From the files of Reader's Digest:
Paul McCartney, Pete Townshend and Mick Jagger were comparing World Tour memorabilia. Paul showed a ring with a huge diamond cut in the shape of a beetle, which he received from the emperor of Japan. Pete showed a solid gold "Tommy" pinball machine, which was a gift from an Arab sheik. Mick pulled out a loaf of bread he got from Casablanca.
"What's that?" asked Pete.
Mick replied, "I know. It's only a Moroccan roll, but I like it, like it, yes I do!"
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell are you doing?"
"Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art!"
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"
There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass. She was amazingly well-endowed, and it was obvious that she had dressed (almost) to accentuate her physical attributes. This was embarrassingly new territory for the priests, so they drew straws to determine who would buy the tickets.
The first priest drew the short straw, and approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg..." Whereupon, realizing his mistake, he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest, seeing his companion leave, approached the window. "Young lady, would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Of course, he also left in confusion.
Then came the third. Stepping up, all business, he said clearly, "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes, if you please.
"And I must say," he continued, "that if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, I'm afraid St. Finger will shake his peter at you."